| Adoption Articles |
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Adoption Information from Craig's Chimes articles. Each month is listed below. Scroll down to the month you want to read. Helpful links about adoption. January 2010 A Story about Craig & Dori's Adoption Journey Nice guys finish last? For those of you that know me, you know that I am usually even-keeled and do not let a lot bother me. That does not mean I'm always nice, however, but niceness and going with the flow made a potentially bad situation work out for good over the Christmas holidays. Dori and I were driving back from a family gathering in the Pigeon Forge area on December 21st when I received a call from a government official about updating some of our adoption forms. She explained to me that her office needed a certain form by Christmas day or we'd have to start the application over in that area of the process, which would cost us several hundred dollars. My first reaction was simply, (thankfully) "Ok. What do we need to do?" She responded that I needed to stop traveling, find internet access somehow, download the form, and overnight it to their office. After making sure I knew how to accomplish that feat by gathering a correct address for her office, getting the web addresses I would need, and listing her instructions, I called our social worker, Peggy, at Bethany Christian Services to see if she had any insight. To make a long story short, Peggy was able to connect with the government official to let them know the form had already been sent and worked out a compromise in the meantime. The government official, according to Peggy, was willing to "work with us" because she had expected an irate encounter with someone who was angry and rude. My "niceness" helped buy us time to get the situation worked out. I'm not always nice, but I was sure glad I chose to be in that situation. It's always useful, I think, to remember that we are dealing with human beings on the other end of the line on phone calls about business or personal dealings that are not going according to plan. Many people seem to respond to respect and calmness, or niceness, just as well or better than "putting them in their place." I believe in standing up for ourselves, and further, that it can be done while being . well, nice. By the way, we found out later that the form was at the government office at the time of their call. It had not been put in the right place for processing. Turns out the government does make a minor mistake every now and then. December 2008 November 2008 Well, since my last article in the Chimes, basically, nothing has happened in the way of getting closer to completing our paperwork. We are still waiting on immigration to clear us after the US Homeland Security Office in Metarie took our (Dori, Drew, and Me) fingerprints. When we are cleared, we'll press forward, submit our paperwork to China, and start our 27+ month wait. In this edition, I'd like for you to know who we are working with locally to adopt our little girl from China. After Dori and I made the decision to adopt, we contacted several families and agencies to get a reference point for what adoption agency to use. After looking at several including Holt International, Buckner International, and Bethany Christian Services, we chose Bethany. Our social worker through Bethany, Peggy, has met with us, answered our questions, conducted our interviews, and completed our home study. She is our grass roots contact and guide for moving along in the process. If you or someone you know would like to explore the possibility of adopting a child internationally (or domestically), I would suggest checking out www.shaohannahshope.org and www.bethany.org to find out more. On the Bethany site, I would highly recommend watching an adoption taking place in the life of a family through a short video on the web site. Just go to www.bethany.org, place your curser over the Looking to Adopt tab at the top left, then click Intercountry Adoption, then click China and scroll down. The video will give you great insight into the world of adoptive parents and children.
September 2008 Most people, including myself, have tended to romanticize adoption as being something that is entirely a "good" thing for all those involved. You know what I mean, you see an adopted child and say to yourself (or outloud), "Oh how wonderful. That child is so lucky to have been chosen by loving parents. She's so special. I'm sure she knows how lucky she is." Truth is, almost all adopted children face grief over the loss of parents that they never knew and possibly never will, which means loss of family roots, which means loss of family history. Even if a child is adopted by a loving set of parents the second that child is born, they immediately loose their birth mother, and in a real way, even a newborn knows this inherently. Some adoptees live their lives wondering what it is inside that makes them feel different and misunderstood. Sometimes this is worsened by parents who don't understand why their adoptive child doesn't embrace them as the parents who saved them from an otherwise unstable life with a bad family situation or even life in an orphanage. The fact is though, that adoptees have loss issues from the outset that must be acknowledged and worked through in order to deal with the grief. It can not be swept under the rug, or heaven forbid, hidden until an adoptive child is told or finds out later in life. Parents, family members, and friends need not shy away from the pain that an adoptive child may have growing up. What is needed is family members and friends that acknowledge the pain and get it out in the open so healing can take place. Some adoptive children deal with the grief and loss better than others, but there's no adoptive child that just shrugs it off and never thinks about it. What makes our situation different than most adoptive cases is that the whole world will know by looking at our family that she is our adoptive daughter. In some ways, that will make it easier since the issue can not be avoided. In some ways it makes it harder though, because she will have not only lost her family history but a culture as well, since her roots are from China. Pray for us that we will help our future daughter deal with her grief and loss issues that come. We will need to be open and honest with her from day one. You will need to understand that, too, church family. Don't call her special or chosen. Just call her God's child and her given name. August 2008 The Richardson Adoption Story ... Journey with us. In last month's edition of the Chimes, I shared with you all that I would be writing about adoption and its special challenges over the course of the many months it will be until we get our referral. Many of you have asked us how it is going and how long it will be. Well, here's how this all works. We have had to do a lot of preparatory work to prove to the adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, that we are a fit family. This included interviews, drug and health tests, application for passports, the completion of a home study, and some other various requirements. The home study is what we are in the middle of right now, and it is a "biggie". It is basically what the words entail. Our social worker, Peggy, came to our home and interviewed all of us. She talked with us, inspected our home, and filled out a lot of papers about us. After the home study is complete, the next "biggie" is what is called a "dossier" for the China officials. This dossier has other various requirements for us to complete and once we get it done and mailed off to them, they will enter it into their system and we will receive a log-in date. From that date, we are basically "in line" to receive a referral, or a child that is in the age range and gender we have chosen, (a girl between the ages of 12 and 18 months). At this time, the average wait is approximately 29 months. When we receive the referral, we will receive a picture of the child and any medical information that is available. At that point, it will be decision time for us. We can either accept or reject. If we accept, it'll be several weeks until our travel arrangements can be made and until they can get us a court date there. Then we'll (right now all 4 of us are planning to go) head to China to stay for about 14 days while the process is completed. We'll arrive home with an adopted toddler. July 2008 Over the last few months, Dori and I have obviously received a lot of prayer support and have jumped head first into the process of our upcoming international adoption. Our experience so far has been mixed with anticipation and stress as we have progressed through the lengthy process...and we are certainly not through. After doing a lot of reading and research, we have learned a lot about what our adoptive daughter will experience from the womb to our home and beyond. Because of what we've learned, we believe our church family should journey with us in this process, especially knowing that you will play a significant role in her life. We assume you will want to be prepared to help her adjust and fulfill God's purpose for her life. We believe you can do that if you are informed as to the unique needs an adoptive child has. For this reason, over the course of the next several months, I'm going to pen an article in the Chimes to give you the information you need to be helpful in helping her adjust to her new life. I would even ask you to keep copies of these Chimes editions so you can refer back to them when the time draws near and our fateful day comes when we arrive back from China (which right now is at least 2 years away). Here's your first admonition: when we come back with her, there will be attachment issues that will need to be overcome. Don't be offended that we will not want many guests in our home for about the first three months. Those first few months will be critical for her to develop a bond with us, to trust us, to see us and count on us that we are not going to abandon her. Since birth, our daughter will not have had a stable environment where her most basic needs could be met. She will have most likely been abandoned in a public place and taken to an orphanage. It is a fact that all institutionalized children fall behind in large and fine motor development, speech acquisition and attainment of necessary social skills. Many never find a specific individual with whom to complete a cycle of attachment. Physical growth is impaired. Children lose one month of linear growth for every three months in an orphanage. She will have major adjustment issues in coming to our home. We all know she is better off. However, all she will know is that she has lost the only world that she knew prior to Craig and Dori. She won't know how "lucky" she is to be here. She will only know that her whole world has been rocked ... again. It will then be our task to love her unconditionally and help her deal with the multiple issues that will come. So, the point of this article is ... be patient when we get back. We'll provide photos and information, but coming into contact with her church family will take time. |